Conference Notes and How I Got Where I Am Today

Just a warning:  This started out as a post about having finished taking notes on conference talks.  It has evolved somewhat since I started writing it and has become pretty long.  For any of my friends who read this who aren't members of the LDS Church, I'm sorry if all or part of this makes no sense.  Now, with no further ado, here is my posting.

So, it only took me two and a half weeks to finally finish taking notes on all of the conference addresses from the October General Conference of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.  I watched and/or listened to all of the talks the days they aired but, what with one thing and another, it was today that I finally finished listening to them again on my iPod while taking verbatim, hand-written notes.  Let me tell you, it takes a long time to write 42 pages (front and back) of notes!

This was a great conference.  I'm realizing that I've really grown spiritually, and it shows in how much I take away from what I'm taught.  Looking back, I'm amazed at how far I've come in the last few years.  I think the first time I ever listened to all of General Conference was a year ago.  Given where I am today, spiritually speaking, and the fact that the LDS church has been having General Conference on a twice yearly basis for longer than I've been alive, that's something of a sad commentary on how much I've let my life wander.


I was raised in the LDS church, but when I was a kid conference weekend simply meant a Sunday that I wasn't going to be forced to wear a dress or skirt just to go to church.  Don't get me wrong, I liked church well enough but I simply didn't want to wear a dress or skirt at all.  Despite having the availability, my family never really watched conference at home either.  This was probably the beginning of what eventually led me to inactivity.

About half way through college was when I really started being inactive.  It wasn't really a decision I made, so much as a slow slide down a slippery slope into inactivity.  I never fully stopped believing, I simply allowed other things to take precedence often enough that attending church was no longer a priority.  I even ended up marrying a guy from another faith toward the end of college.

At several points during my six or seven years of inactivity I realized that I didn't know if I believed in the church I was raised in or not.  I'd believed as a child, borrowing light and testimony from those around me, but as an adult I'd never taken the time to figure it out.  I started attending church with some friends.  I went to the LDS Ward I should have been attending a couple of times with some neighbors and went with my grandmother to her Ward for a while as well.  I also attended many services at Calvary Chapel with my roommate.

Pastor Rick Brown of Calvary Chapel in Idaho Falls is a good pastor.  He knows his bible and the historic context of the stories better than almost anyone else I've ever heard speak on the subject.  However, I couldn't deny the fact that most of what he said just felt incomplete or even, on occasion, wrong to me.  I kept thinking that there was something missing from the experience, something more I should be finding.

After my ex-husband left me in late 2007, I took the opportunity to start attending church with my grandmother most Sundays.  Looking back, it was more for a sense of stability than anything.  While there have been many people move in and out of my grandma's Ward over the years, there were still enough familiar faces for me to feel a sense of comfort and familiarity.  I know you can never go home again, but there are times in your life that you really wish you could.  That was one of those times for me.  After a while, however, I realized that I needed to start moving on with my life.  I couldn't go back to the comfortable world of my childhood any more than I could change the fact that I was going to be 25 and divorced.

The following year, my good friend and pseudo-sister Sarah came home from serving an LDS Mission in South Korea.  I started attending the St. Leon Young Single Adults Branch with her.  The people were nice enough, but I just didn't feel like I belonged.  I felt out of step.  When she moved to Rexburg to attend BYU Idaho in the fall, I decided it was time for me to figure out where I should actually be attending church.

I found out that I lived in the boundaries of the Eagle Rock Young Single Adults Branch and decided to try it out.  Thankfully, the Branch Presidency and members were friendly but not pushy.  They allowed me to settle in, make some friends and go at my own pace.  The more comfortable I got with my surroundings, the more I was able to pay attention to what was being taught.  I realized for the first time in a long time that I was not only paying attention to what was being taught but trying to apply it.  I started to feel the presence of the Holy Spirit in my meetings and in my life.  This was what had been missing.  This was what I needed to find.


The following Summer, we got a new Branch Presidency.  Our new Branch President asked me about a year ago to take a Temple Prep class.  I really had no idea why on Earth he would want me to take this class.  I wasn't going to go on a mission, and I certainly wasn't going to get married any time soon given that I hadn't dated since I got divorced.  Additionally, I had no intention of going to the temple because I knew there were things in my life that would disclude me from doing so.

Now, I already said that the first time I'd listened to all of General Conference was last October.  What I didn't mention was that the day after conference my Branch had a chance to meet a man who had served in upper levels of the LDS Church.  He said something that I've never forgotten, "To the Lord, you never say no."  When I heard that, I decided that if I was going to progress spiritually, I needed to put action to word and do as the Lord asked.  For this reason, I took the class.  It was interesting, but I still wasn't sure why I'd been asked to take it.

A few months later, I was asked to speak in Stake Conference.  My topic?  Celestial Marriage, which begins in the temple.  So not only had they asked the representative from the Single's Branch to speak on Celestial Marriage, they'd asked the divorced girl from the Single's Branch to speak on Celestial Marriage!  I felt like the punchline to a very unfunny joke.

Through this experience, however, I learned a lot.  It helped me decide that if I was ever to get married again I'd want a marriage that would last forever.  In order to have that, I'd eventually have to go to the temple.  A short time later, I had an interview with my Branch President.  He wanted to help me figure out what I needed to work on in order to go to the temple.  Throughout everything, he was persistent but never pushy.  Which is probably a good thing.  When people get pushy, I push back and it doesn't matter if what they were being pushy about is in my best interest or not.

Throughout the past two years, I've been asked to work in various positions in my Branch.  I've accepted each time and tried to do that which has been asked of me.  Each job has helped me to progress and each has taught me something different about the Church I'm now sure I believe in.  I've become interested in learning about my Church's teachings and beliefs for my own betterment both in independent study and in class settings.  I attend religious classes at least once a week when they are in session and no longer think of going to church as something I have to do and realized it's something I both want and need to do.

The culmination of all of this was that I eventually resolved those things in my life that were keeping me from being able to go to the temple.  I attended the temple for the first time as an adult member last month.

The person I am today is a far cry from the person I was just a few short years ago.  I've come to realize that even though God works in mysterious ways, He always has our best interests at heart.  His plan may seem circuitous and maddeningly enigmatic at times but when you reach the destination He is trying to steer you toward it is worth any "inconvenience" you may have felt was being put upon you enroute.

I am eternally grateful for the Savior's atonement in my life.  Without it, I would be lost.  Without Him I would be lost.